All of Me
by Aviator28
Summary: This is the after math of Penelope's feelings after she tells Derek her feelings and he tells her his. It's sad, sorry. One-shot. I love Pen, but after hearing the song this idea came from, knew it would be sad.


**This is just me in my sad state after reading too much fan fiction. **

**Idea? Penelope watches as Derek get married. She had confessed her love, but he told her he didn't feel the same way, but still wanted to be friends. She is heart-broken, but sticks it out because no matter what, she will always love him. This is how she feels. Came from the song My Immortal by Evanescence. Kind of dark, I guess, but the song can bring a lot out in people. **

_I'm so tired of being here_  
_Suppressed by all my childish fears_

She felt stupid. It was her own fault. She should have never given so much of herself to him. She should have never expected anything back from him. She should have never expected him to share her deep feelings. She was rejected by him. Rejection. Something she had always feared. Always there, but she hid it well behind her brightness. Her forcefulness. She hid her fear well because to everyone, she was fearless. She acted bold and did her own thing. But, really, she was always scared of the rejection.

_I wish you would just leave  
Your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone_

Still friends. He still wanted her to be his best friend. The one who he could talk to about everything and everyone in his life. Of course, she had told him. She was never able to deny him what he wanted, and she doubted she ever would. But, it didn't mean it was easy. His constant presence. His constant talk of women, one woman lately. It was becoming too much for her. However, she was not innocent. She still longed for him, even though with him came the pain. She never wanted to see him again, but never wanted him to leave. Even when she was away or alone, he was always on the forefront of her mind. He haunted her day and night.

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have all of me._

Everyday brought new pain. Every time he brought up his new flavor of the week, although this one seemed to be more constant, she would break a little more. She was slowly dying inside, but she couldn't leave. They have been best friends for too many years for her to give it up because she made a mistake. They had been there for each other every time the other needed them, even when they didn't know it. She knew him. He knew her. She loved him. He just didn't love her, not like she loved him. But the pain she felt, nothing could repair that, nothing could mend her cracks. Though, she couldn't bear to leave because that would be more painful. She was stuck. To him. Without him, she felt like she was incomplete, nothing. How silly. She had been alone for a long time, many times. She had made it though those times just fine. Stronger even. Now, though, was different.

_You used to captivate me_  
_By your resonating light_  
_But now I'm bound by the life you left behind_  
_Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams_  
_Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me_

He was always there to cheer her up. Their sweet talk brightened her spirits. His touches would make her walk a little taller. Now, she was dark inside. She didn't know what was worse. The day, when he acted like everything was fine; or, the night, when his rejection appeared from her subconscious and unleashed hurtful and crippling scenarios of it. With the pain came insanity. She couldn't take it much longer, but as long as he needed her, she would bear it all to keep him there.

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much time cannot erase  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have all of me  
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me_

Now, she watched as he waited at the altar for his bride to meet him. The happiness radiated from him. She had wanted him to be this happy since they first met. She had wished him this happiness whenever she would hold him after a hard case. She would have died to give him this happiness, and in a way she did. She was there to help him fight his demons. She was there to build his ego with their banter. She was there to show him that his past has made him a better man, and he does not have to be ashamed.

And now she is here. Crying in the front row of the church. Not for Derek and his bride like so many people. She is crying because she has finally lost the last bit of hope that lived in her. She has lost her world. She was Penelope Garcia because she had Derek Morgan. Now he was someone elses and things would never be the same. He would pull away. They would stop their bantering. He would stop coming to her for comfort and advice. He would leave her life for good, and then she would slowly fade away because he had all of her.


End file.
